I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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