Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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