I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
