Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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