I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
