Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize