there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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