I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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