I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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