good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
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You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
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Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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