ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
