You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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