we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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