I'm eating all of the evidence.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
