Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize