Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
