my sisters under your porch take her home
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
