Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
