im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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