Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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