He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
