so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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