proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
