she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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