I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
