Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
