she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
