My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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