I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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