Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
