i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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