so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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