My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
