I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
