It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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