I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
