I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
