I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
