my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
