Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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