I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
