His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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