I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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