Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
