Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
