The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize