mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
