I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
