I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My feet surprised me
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