How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
