I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
