He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
