So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
