Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
