If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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