OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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