unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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