Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The power of my boobs compel you
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
