I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
