the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
