you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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