Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i would punch a child for taco bell
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
