All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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