By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
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