I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i dont even know how to be here
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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