We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
