Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
