Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
