But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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