my mouth tastes like poor choices
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
