If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
how drunk are you?
Several
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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