youre lurking in front of me
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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