I'm sorry my penis didn't work
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
