I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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