No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
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You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
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There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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