Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
