May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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